I Know the Secret

Aug. 27

2008-08-27T12:37:00.005-04:00

I'm doing excellent! Followed my own "helpful tips" that have been enormously helpful. I have been on my one and only favorite food plan again for 2 weeks, no binges, no skipping meals (no eating salted nuts or pepperoni).

Out of my 3 tips THE MOST helpful has been preparing my meals ahead of time. This is HUGE, people, believe me! Every morning I make all my meals in containers and afterwards I just warm them up. Salad is separate, precut of course, I just add 1 cup. Has saved my soul so many times - meaning, before I reach for that bag of potato chips/nuts (becz I'm starving), I nuke my food, eat it and I'm done. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, I'm full and happy.

I've lost total of 156 lbs and I still cannot believe I did it and how easy it actually was. Finding this food plan has been the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. No reason to quit, no reason to ever go off, I love the food and thus, no fear of ever gaining anything back.

And again I am hearing every single day that I should be a model.

/I think I need to do the happy dance

Aug. 21

2008-08-21T11:13:00.004-04:00

Still alive and kicking. Doing pretty good. Just follow the plan and the plan starts helping you out. It's a 2-way love-hate relationship. First you have to force youself NOT to eat anything outside the Plan. Cravings can kill you first few days. "I want those peanuts SO bad", "I NEED that pepperoni or I will die", "I'm passing out, I'm so hungry".

But now, one week later, I am happy as a clam, full, content, energetic, no cravings and portion sizes seem huge.
Rule number 1 "Do NOT skip a meal" !

I love this plan. I love it so very much. I work the plan and I make it to WORK FOR ME.

Helpful tips

2008-08-20T09:23:00.003-04:00

Few tips that have helped me to get back on track.

1. Do NOT skip meals, eat every 4-5 hours. I eat 7 am, 12 pm and, 5 pm and then a snack around 8-9 pm. You skip one meal, you're done, hunger takes over and that's how binge-eating starts.

2. Very-very helpful tip. I prepare my lunch and dinner right after I eat my breakfast, I weigh and measure everything and put in containers. So I just need to heat it up. The idea behind that is when the mealtime comes, sometimes I am SO hungry I have NO time to prepare a meal. I need to eat NOW! It takes only 2-3 minutes to heat up my meal.

And another benefit. When my meals are prepared, I don't have to think about food. I don't have to wonder, what I am going to have for lunch/supper. I don't have to think what, when and how much. And NO reason to go to the kitchen and open the fridge meanwhile. I know what and when I am going to eat. No obsessing over food. Even if I get hungry meanwhile, I know exactly WHEN my mealtime comes, I can wait.
When it comes to food addiction, obsessing over food is the worst and this is one way to deal with that.

3. Very often I get hungry at night after I have eaten all my scheduled meals. How to deal with that? One excellent tip. Rather than start raiding my fridge I put on my running shoes and go for a jog. Nothing strenuous, 30 minutes at slow pace listening my favorite music. Come home, take a shower, drink peppermint tea and read a book. Has helped me out many times.
(Going to the gym would probably help too if one doesn't like running)

Aug. 20

2008-08-20T08:43:00.009-04:00

Still alive.

Have followed the plan religiously for almost a week and it gets easier every day.
I have cut back my regularly scheduled exercises a little, my current food plan does not support running 3 x 60 minutes a week. Which may easily be 3 x 4.5 miles or so. Right now the main goal is to lose weight again. So I jog 30-40 minutes 3-4 times a week, depending on how I feel.

Need to get back down to 162 at least. Right now I'm about 5 lbs over. Don't want to be part of that sad statistic where one loses huge amounts of weight and gains it all back PLUS MORE. Happens way too often.
And especially because I am a food addict. It's horrific how much I can eat when I'm having one of my binges. One of my favorite bloggers here has similar binges, I can so relate.

http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/

I mostly binge on salty foods like potato chips with sour cream, salted nuts, sunflower seeds, cheese and high fat salty meats (pepperoni, salami, bacon).

One of the main reasons I did gain some weight was that I had a very stressful situation around July 20th. When stress takes over, we, food addicts, want to compensate these bad feelings with food (something to do with brain chemistry and lack of some "happy" hormones we are trying to compensate). And that's what I did. But I'm much better now, dealing with that stress, taking some time off from work.

Ok that's it. Will let you know how I am doing.

Aug. 14

2008-08-14T08:33:00.002-04:00

Breakfast (7:30):
2 eggs + 2 oz ham, 1/2 cup onion/garlic/peppers, 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/strawberries, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Not too bad, the second day is already easier.

Aug. 13

2008-08-13T10:40:00.008-04:00

Oh it is tough. Who said it was going to be easy.

I am struggling bigtime. There are days when I am SO hungry that I cannot think of anything else. It's not like "I think I want to munch on something". It's like "I need food or I will drop dead". That is THAT tough. And even I don't have enough willpower to fight with it. But luckily I do work out alot, now I run about 60 minutes 3 times a week. And yes, I am up about 5 pounds that I am trying desperately to lose again.

Ok that's that. Should seriously start posting my menus here, it did help before.

So, today:

Breakfast (7:30 am):
2 eggs scrambled with 2 oz turkey breast (total protein 6 oz) and 1/2 cup chopped onion/garlic/peppers; 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/strawberries. 2 tsp oil, coffee.
That's an awful lot of food, I should not be hungry and right now 4 hours later, I'm fine.
Well, the plan says to eat every 4-5 hours.

Sometime you have to take it "ONE meal at a time, ONE day at a time"

Lunch (1 pm):
6 oz fish, 8 oz baked potato/sweetpotato, 3/4 cup raw veggies, 1 cup cooked green beans, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Dinner (7 pm):
6 oz lean pork, 1 cup kidney beans, 3/4 cup raw veggies, 1 cup cooked green beans, 2 tsp oil, tea.

Later (10 pm):
8 oz milk, 6 oz apple.

No exercise.

Aug. 6

2008-08-06T09:39:00.004-04:00

Nothing much to say, not in the mood. So I'll just read other people's blogs.

One thing I read today that I really liked:

"It is okay to fail, you have to fall so you can learn to pick yourself up"

I'll live by that for time being. I need to learn how to pick myself up again.
(NOT related to weight-loss, that part of my life is fine, everything is under control)

Aug. 1

2008-08-01T14:02:00.003-04:00

Hello August!

Today is the 5th day I have religiously followed the plan and I am loving it. No temptations, no cravings. Haven't weighed myself yet, feel like I'm up maybe 3 lbs. No need to weigh, really, just follow the plan and hope that the weight stabilizes. When my clothes start feeling too loose or too tight, I will step on the scale. I am happy now where I am not knowing my current weight.

Before pictures

2008-07-31T08:42:00.002-04:00

To my one or two dedicated readers. I have found couple semi-decent "before" pictures that I post here. April 2005 and I was around 280 maybe (not at my highest).

July 31

2008-07-31T08:25:00.005-04:00

Today is the 4th day I've been very good, following the plan carefully. All my hunger, and cravings for salted nuts and salty fatty meats are gone (pepperoni mostly) . This plan truly works wonders. I feel good and much happier. I hope that finally I have found the right maintenance plan and I don't need to struggle with hunger anymore. Eat too much, you gain; eat less and you just keep losing more weight (and hungry all the time). Don't want to to too thin either. Never thought I would say that "I don't want to be too thin". And I was close to 320 lbs once.

July 25

2008-07-25T14:16:00.002-04:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup oatmeal, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, 1/4 cup chopped onion/garlic/peppers, 2 tsp oil, coffee

Lunch:
6 oz scallops/hamburger, 1 cup millet, 2 cups raw chopped veggies, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

July 24

2008-07-24T08:10:00.012-04:00

I should write my menu for a while again to keep me in track. No major weight gain or anything like that, just something to write here. Otherwise I'm running out of things to write and then I don't come here for days. Don't want to be that blogger who just disappears. Most of them do.
Again good old Kay Sheppard plan. Link here:

http://www.kaysheppard.com/foodplan.htm

Breakfast (7:15 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup oats/millet, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, about 1/4 c chopped onion/garlic/peppers, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch (12:15):
4 oz scallops, 8 oz sweet and regular potato, 1.5 cups raw veggies, some hot sauce, coffee.

Dinner (4:45) :
4 oz chicken, 1 cup millet, 1.5 cups raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Snack (10:45) :
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz pineapple/pear

And later I got so hungry so I ate some salted peanuts and sunflower seeds. Not good.

July 23

2008-07-23T09:08:00.002-04:00

Hello again!

My life is a little stressful right now, but everything is gonna be over in a day or two. I am an emotional eater, so I've been chewing through salted sunflower seeds and peanuts (from Trader Joe's, they are the best). I'm up maybe 3 pounds max, but I still go jogging 3-4 times a week.

July 10

2008-07-10T10:31:00.008-04:00

Hi my readers (mainly JD)!

I'm back, not maintaining but LOSING again. I hadn't weighed myself for a while because I thought I was up 2-3 pounds. And I've been eating bigger portions and fatty meats. Finally, yesterday I said 'time face the scale and get my act together'. It showed 163 lbs, down 3 lbs from last time. How did that happen, I still don't know. Magic. Can I push it down to 161 or not?

I came back to read JD-s post where he says something like that "why try desperately to connect with someone who doesn't want to connect with you". I need to find that post again and read it and reflect on this issue. I'm still making the same grave mistake of trying to do that. Need to stop that, seriously.

Oh, here it was:

http://fleeingfromfat.blogspot.com/2008/06/being-liked-is-over-rated.html

How's everyone else doing?

Later: Did I mention my undying love for pepperoni? I bet my cholesterol is through the roof right now.

July 1

2008-07-01T09:35:00.005-04:00

Here I am again. Should be posting more often. Right now I'm not that busy, work and school but I can manage. Good thing is that after 2 months of struggling with hunger I am much better now and I can stick to my food plan and exercising seems much easier also. Cannot even explain why I had such hard time. I'm not doing anything different. Maybe stress.

I have a picture of myself that I really like, taken few days ago. I should be proud of myself for losing that much weight. So here it is for my one or two readers. To JD mainly as I don't know anyone else who might be reading this blog. And most likely no one else reads it, I am so boring.

EDIT: July 10, removed the pictures, JD and my 1-2 other readers have seen them now. Just leaving the profile one.

June 26

2008-06-26T09:33:00.006-04:00

Just to let everyone (my one or two readers, mainly JD) know that I have not disappeared, given up or gotten fat again, I'm just enjoying my summer. So I will post my picture - taken somewhere near the top of Mt. Washington. My weight is around 165 (and not 163 or 161 what my original goal was, I'm still working on it).

I'm also attending school, taking quant. analysis, love statistics. Studying for the CFE and CPA exams and keeping myself busy (and hopefully out of trouble). Next week I may have more time to post and as I said I want to reach my ultimate goal of 161.

June 12

2008-06-12T08:16:00.003-04:00

Just hanging in there

Most days I am good, but once in a while I crave salted nuts (or potato chips) so bad that I am ready to lose my mind. No sugary stuff though, that's good. High salt and fat - that's what I need for some reason. But I am able to maintain. Everyone keeps telling me NOT to lose any more or I will look freakishly skinny. I can almost fit into size 4 !! Haven't lost any pounds but I am still losing sizes due to my regular running sessions.

Every single day someone tells me that I should be modeling. That is SO funny, I am almost keeping track if a day goes by without anyone telling me that.

June 4

2008-06-04T08:26:00.008-04:00

Well, good morning. I haven't blogged for a while again. I am maintaining at 165 lbs. Everyone keeps telling me to stop losing or I will look anorexic. I'm cool, I haven't lost any weight for a while, I think 165 is just fine or maybe 163, but definitely not under 160.
I go jogging 3 times a week, 40-45 minutes at a time and I love it. I have to use my willpower to stop myself on rest days. Today is one of my rest days and I feel antsy, cannot wait until tomorrow so I can run again.

And about my menu. In addition to weighing and measuring my portions I started counting calories. Just to find out how many calories I eat daily. In my little head I think that I should NOT eat under 2000 kcal per day. I went to some "calories-burned" websites and every single one of them tells me that at my current activity level some days (when I run 45 min. and work retail for 8 hrs) I could be burning almost 3000 a day. And at least 2500 on regular days.
So I am becoming more flexible with my food plan. For example 4 oz of shrimp compared to 4 of of fatty hamburger is a HUGE difference in calories. When I eat shrimp or chicken breast, I either eat 5-6 oz (instead of 4 oz) or add a tablespoon of oil and count the calories. And I eat quite freely high-fat meats (like spare ribs or hamburger patty or italian sausage). Not every meal, but at least once a day.
I've decided that if some days I stay under 2000 I will make it up with eating some fat (oil, fatty meats, nuts) and not carbs. So far it has worked for me.

My constant hunger last 2 months was clearly coming from NOT eating enough calories (although I did the KS plan as prescribed).

I've been feeling much better and happier lately. If I can keep it that way I'll be fine.
As it's said "Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard, maintaining is hard, you choose YOUR hard".

Maintaining truly IS hard, I almost got scared because I thought, it is TOO hard, I cannot do it. I cannot live in such hunger for extended period of time (REST OF MY LIFE!). All I think is how hungry I am.

But now at 2000 calories a day I think I can do it just fine.

May 22

2008-05-22T07:53:00.002-04:00

Breakfast (7:00):
1 boiled egg, 1/2 cup barley/beans, 4 oz milk, 3 oz pineapple, 1/2 tsp oil, coffee.

No, I ate more than that but I forgot what it was.

May 21

2008-05-21T10:46:00.012-04:00

Struggling immensely with maintaining. Agan I am so hungry that ALL my willpower cannot stop me from eating what I am NOT supposed to, read "binging". That's terrible. My addiction is coming back with vengence. I've been fighting with this kind of hunger almost last 2 months. Never had that problem when I was losing. Never experienced THIS kind of hunger. It doesn't let me concentrate on other things in life anymore.
Went back to Nov. 20-30 last year to check what I ate then and how I did it. Gotta learn from myself.

But the very first thing is to start recording my menus here again. I do record on paper every day but haven't done it here lately.

Breakfast (8:45):
1 boiled egg (2 oz), 1/2 cup buckwheat/barley/beans, 4 oz milk, 3 oz banana, 1/2 tsp oil, coffee.

Not going to weigh myself today, I'm sure I'm up. Not ready to face it yet. I'll follow the plan couple days and then check how much I'm up.

I am very glad that I have the tools to get me back on track, mainly the food plan. When I follow it religiously, I will absolutely keep the weight off. Even when I stumble once in a while, like I have past couple months.

And I have to get to the bottom of the reasons why it has been so difficult. There's something I am missing. Why is it that it has been relatively easy for over a year and suddenly it's such a struggle?

Lunch (1:30):
2 oz shrimp, 1/2 cup barley/beans, 1 cup raw chopped veggies, 1/2 tsp oil, herb tea.

Did cut out all possible addictive foods I am aware of. Even used low sodium salt. We will see how it goes. So far so good.

Dinner (6:20):
2 oz sausage/shrimp, 1/2 cup beans/barley, 1 cup raw veggies, 1/2 tsp oil.

Later (8:15):
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz pineapple, herb tea.

May 15

2008-05-15T09:30:00.005-04:00

Just a quick update.

Maintaining is fine, not gaining. Exercising is also fine, I'm running on regular basis.

School sucks big time, right about 3 weeks before graduation looks like I have to retake one of my classes which means 3 more months of school. THIS SUCKS people! Plus the additional cost because I have to pay for that class again! I don't have that kind of money, I didn't plan on that when I applied for my student loans. Good news is that I already have the book so I don't need to buy that again.

This also means that I can sell shoes another 3 months and about 7-8 weeks of work will cover that extra class.

This really sucks when I start thinking about it.

And I was supposed to participate in the graduation ceremony this Saturday. I will go of course but imagine how much I DO NOT want to go there.

The biggest irony yet . Last night the professor explained something like "we have 17 students, 10 males, 7 females and so on.." And I am thinking in my head "in about 5 seconds you will have only 16" ...and then I walked out of there. And I am not going back.

They say that when something bad happens to you, it is good for something else, but at that very moment you don't see it. I am yet to see what good can come out of this mess.

May 11

2008-05-11T08:10:00.003-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

My coworkers don't hate me as much as I thought they did. That's most likely due to my "charming" personality. LOL.

Back to the grind. More shoes need to be sold. It's good that women cannot resist beautiful shoes.

May 10

2008-05-10T11:34:00.007-04:00

Same old same old.

Weight 163. I added 2 cups of cooked veggies to my daily menu and I feel awsome. No hunger, full of energy. I love this plan.
Running 42 min.

I am getting lazy posting my daily menus, because they are always the same. When I don't post my menus it doesn't mean I went off the plan. I am always OP. My menu is straight from The Book ("From the First Bite").

And now I have to go and sell shoes for the next 2 days. We'll see how much my coworkers will hate me today. And who hates me the most.

May 8

2008-05-08T07:12:00.002-04:00

Breakfast (7 .a.m.):
4 oz chicken/steak, 1 cup millet/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.

Jogging 35 min.

May 7

2008-05-07T08:41:00.003-04:00

Breakfast (7:15 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup millet/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, 2 tsp oil, some onion and garlic, coffee.

Lunch (12):
4 oz steak, 1 cup rice/beans, 1 cup cooked carrots/turnips, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Dinner (4:45):
4 oz fish, 1 cup rice/beans, 2 cups raw veggies (lettuce, cucumbers, celery, peppers), 1 tsp oil, tea

Later (11 p.m.):
8 oz milk, 6 oz pineapple, herb tea.

Not too many bright ideas, just came back from my quant analysis mideterm. That exam was NOT doable in 4 hours. Not because of the difficulty of the material but the sheer amount of it. If I cannot do it in 4 hours, no one can. Except the professor maybe. I happen to love stat and math. I'm using my knowledge from this class to determine which co worker hates me the most. They all hate me but which one the most. It will be interesting to find out.

May 6

2008-05-06T09:28:00.005-04:00

Weight 163! I stepped on the scale about 10 times because I could not believe my eyes when I saw this number. I was very much sure that I had levelled off at 165.
And especially after ALL that food I ate yesterday.

Breakfast (7 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup millet/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/kiwi, 2 tsp oil, some chopped onion/garlic, coffee.

I took a sneak peak again in case my scale needs new batteries or something and I am still at 163.

Lunch (12 p.m.):
4 oz chicken, 1 cup brown rice/beans, 1 cup cooked carrots/turnips, 1 cup chopped raw veggies, some hot sauce, coffee.

Jogging 45 min.

Dinner: (5 p.m.)
4 oz fish, 1 cup rice/beans, 1 cup cooked veggies (carrots, celery), 1 cup raw veggies (mainly lettuce and cucumber), 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz buttermilk, 6 oz pineapple

May 5

2008-05-05T07:53:00.005-04:00

Oh I just realized that I haven't posted for 5 days.

Breakfast (7 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup millet/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 2 tsp oil, some chopped onins and garlic, coffee.
Weight 164/165. Somewhat struggling with hunger again. I don't think I eat enough. Or maybe I burn way more calories than I think I do. I just added another 2 cups of veggies to my daily menu. If that's not enough I'll do what's written in Kay's book ("From the First Bite" by Kay Sheppard). Start adding another 1 tbs of oil a day, then 1 oz of protein to each meal (bring it up to 5 oz) and then, if nothing else helps, add 2 oz of starch to each meal.

People are starting to tell me to add a few. 165 lbs, 6 feet and size 6 is probable quite skinny. I have no desire to go down any more sizes at all. And I do eat alot.

The reason I've been so quiet is that I am continuosly pondering what to do next. I am graduating in a month or so and I need some kind of direction.
Should I go for a PhD, take the CPA exam or CMA or something else? And in what order? CPA probably first.
And I need a job, there are lots of accounting postions out there, that's great.
I am not sure if I want to be a staff accountant somewhere or an auditor. I am kind of leaning towards auditing. I am not going to just throw myself out there and take whatever is available, whoever wants to hire me. But maybe after searching for 6 months with no luck I will take anything that's out there. I don't know. I haven't started the actual job search yet.
I am not particularly concerned yet, I usually tend to leave a very powerful impression during interviews, although I don't have much working experience. But that's what everyone is looking for. We will find out soon enough how good or bad the job market is.

Lunch (11:45):
4 oz chicken, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup cooked carrots, 1 cup salad, coffee.

Dinner (5:30 p.m.):
4 oz steak, 1 cup millet/buckwheat, 1 cup cooked carrots/turnips, 1 cup chopped raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, tea.

Snack (9:30):
8 oz buttermilk, 6 oz pineapple.

May 1

2008-05-01T07:04:00.003-04:00

Breakfast (6:45 a.m.):
4 oz egg/hamburger, 1 cup beans/rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pear, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

I ate more today of course, but I forgot what it was.

April 30

2008-04-30T09:14:00.003-04:00

Ok let's get going again.

Breakfast (9 a.m.):
Boiled egg+hamburger = 4 oz total, 1 cup barley/beans, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple, (no oil), coffee.

Lunch (3 p.m.):
2 oz steamers, 1/2 c beans, 1 cup salad, 1/2 tsp oil, coffee

Dinner (10 p.m.):
2 oz steamers, 1/2 beans, 1 cup raw veggies, 1/2 tsp oil, tea

April 28

2008-04-28T11:10:00.001-04:00

Just not feeling like posting right now. Be back shortly. Plus one of my midterms is due. And another one next week.

April 24

2008-04-24T10:14:00.001-04:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

What are my thoughts for today. Still thinking.

April 23

2008-04-23T08:21:00.002-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch/dinner/snack the same as usual.

Jogging 35 min.

April 22 (thoughts on food addiction)

2008-04-22T07:56:00.010-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey tips, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, (no oil), coffee.

Food is a drug for me, I still feel good from yesterday's binge. I have so much energy due to many calories consumed that I got up early and started doing housework. And I am in such a good mood, I'm drugged. That's why I have been struggling with weight all my life. Food makes happy, energized, soothes my emotional pains (just covers them up for a while). I am glad that I know it. I am glad that I know my enemy. I am getting stronger, I know how to fight it. Even I am not perfect, no one is. I have binge moments also but not very frequently and I can cope with them.
The most important question is when you binge how to get out if it. Many people who have lost the weight cannot get out and put the weight back. Or some people start purging and become bulimics. That is one dangerous road.

The other day I was in Barnes and Noble and read "From the First Bite" from Kay Sheppard. I never actually bought the book when I started the plan. The most important point in that book is that food addicts are born with chemical imbalance in their brains and they use food to restore that balance. That is the key to understanding everything. Food issues are not some kind of emotional or childhood abuse or loneliness issues or anything along these lines. This is what sits in your brain and you are as sick as any other sick person. It's like diabetes, high blood pressure, schizophrenia, (name any disease here).

I don't honestly know when people finally get this. Not any time soon, I am afraid.

And this is not something we can joke about or take very lightly like, for example, throw out there "you can eat everything, just eat less and exercise more". This is serious business. The idea that we can consume addictive substances in small amounts is totally wrong to the core. We, however, completely agree that we have to give up alcohol , cigarettes, any other drug 100%, go"cold turkey", but this idea somehow doesn't seem to apply to giving up addictive foods.

Well, I have said it all for today.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup hulless barley, 1 cup salad, 2 tsp greek dressing, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

April 21

2008-04-21T09:24:00.005-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken/pork, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.
Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, tea.

Jogging 35 min.

Dinner:
4 oz kielbasi/steak, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup cooked veggies (green beans), 2 tsp mayo, tea, 8 oz milk, 6 oz fruit.

And then I ate cheese, more kielbasi, sour cream and peanutbutter, because I was SO hungry. Not craving anything, just completely starved. I decided that if I was going to binge, very high fat and low carb is the only way to go. I guess I am burning ALOT more calories over the weekend than I am consuming, that's why I am having these starvation moments. It shouldn't impact the weight much, I am probably up 2 pounds but I will exercise and in a day or two it'll be gone.
I do have enought willpower and self-control to go back to my plan and keep everything under control. I am very confident about that.
Good thing would be if I figured out exactly how much I can regularly eat so I wouldn't have to fight occasionally with these extreme hunger pains.

April 20

2008-04-20T21:54:00.005-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 steak, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw chopped veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa.

Dinner:
4 oz steamers, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, herb tea.

Working again selling shoes. Nice and busy. Retail sometimes is like putting out fires 8 hours straight. Plus add the walking/running mileage between the floor and stockroom. You either totally love this job or hate it. If you hate it you don't survive long. There are lots of easier ways to make money.

I love to be on the front lines. I read recently that when we sell nice things we sell hope. Retail creates this magical world of nice things what a person "must have" to look pretty, feel good. At least they hope that certain nice and expensive things make them pretty and attractive. That's what we sell.
I like the "magic" that stores can create. I like the atmosphere. If your life is boring you can go to the mall, see all this magic, even if you cannot afford it. Selling is an act and a saleperson is an actor/actress. I love that part particularly. Fake friendliness and small talk. Always keep smiling.
I've been working long enough in retail, I think I am hooked. I cannot imagine myself sitting in some little cubicle all day long by myself.

Oh and then I had another thought on a completely different thing. I'm struggling with certain issues in my life that I cannot openly discuss, but my thought was that if you truly love someone, there is really nothing much you can do about it. Even if the other person doesn't love you back, you cannot end your love, no matter what. And it definitely CAN be true love even if it goes only one way and is not answered.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

April 19

2008-04-19T08:48:00.002-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup jasmine rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pear, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz fruit.

April 18

2008-04-18T07:35:00.004-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pear, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.

will update this menu when I have time

Jogging 35 min.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey tips, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil.

Dinner:
4 oz steamers, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana, kiwi.

April 17 (solution to ever-lasting cold)

2008-04-17T07:15:00.007-04:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup brown jasmine rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 2 tsp oil, some chopped onion/garlic, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

I think I have found a solution how to greatly improve my life quality. All through this weight-loss process and winter I have been SO TERRIBLY cold that it has limited things I am able to do, what normal people do. Like taking shower is the most miserable thing for me and changing clothes. Sometimes I am so cold that I shake violently and must go to bed to warm myself up. About a week ago I cleaned my closet and found that rubbery hot water bag that I am now carrying around. This is my lifeline. I have learned how to do household chores with one hand as my other hand is holding that waterbag under my clothes tightly next to my body (I look like preggo). Sometimes I tuck it under my belt so it stays there. I think I need to invent some kind of straps to hold it on place. I probably shouldn't go out to public with it as it looks exactly like a bomb strapped to my body.
I also sleep with it, the first time I ever gotten warm enough to have a goodnight sleep.

I am not ashamed to talk about it, that's the worst side-effect of losing weight.

The heating-oil prices being that high next winter more people will be carrying these hot water bottles around to keep warm. I think I have a solution to energy crisis, LOL.

Jogging 42 min.

Weight 165 lbs.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup chopped turnip/peppers, 1 tsp salsa.

Dinner:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup brown rice, 1 cup chopped raw veggies, 1 tsp mayo, 8 oz milk, herb tea.

April 16

2008-04-16T08:08:00.005-04:00

Weight 167 lbs.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup rice/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Plans for today: do my stat. homework. Love quant. analysis. I get so passionate when I see all those formulas and graphs. Seriously, not kidding. It's like some kind of secret language most people don't understand.

Weight 166. I guess I haven't reached the floor yet. But I feel perfectly fine, not hungry or anything; very much full of energy.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1 cup rice, 1 cup cooked/raw veggie mix, 2 tsp tomato sauce, tea.

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz orange/apple.

Dinner:
4 oz steak, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup celery/lettuce, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, tea.

April 15 (Taxes done everybody?)

2008-04-15T08:27:00.007-04:00

If NOT, it's time to file for 6-month extension.

Reminds me of that ad on TV where the poor guy closes his bathroom cabinet door and on the mirror there's written: TAXES!

Breakfast (7 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup rice/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/orange, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.
Weight stable at 168, good.

I have to tell you, people, something. I think there is a woman at my work who likes me. I am pretty sure she's gay as she dresses in a masculine way and is kinda tomboyish. I haven't asked her directly if she's gay or not. Lately I've noticed that she's been looking at me "in a certain way". I am so into observing people's body language that I think I can see "something" there.
Well, what do I think about it? I am most certainly straight as I like male bodies. But that particular woman has sparked my interest. I am SO straight in fact that I have never ever noticed any woman paying any attention to me. Until now.

What do you people think about it?

Jogging 35 min.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1 cup grains (rice/buckwheat), 1 cup chopped raw veggies, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 banana/pear.

April 14 (150 pounds gone)

2008-04-14T09:11:00.007-04:00

Monday, April 14.

Weight 168 which means 150 LBS LOST!!!
Today also marks 1 year from an event that completely changed my life. Unfortunately I cannot openly discuss what it was. Just to be safe. And that event has had a huge impact on my weight -loss being one of the biggest motivating factors.

150 pounds gone is freaking awesome. People who lose that much weight go to Oprah show or are on the cover of People's magazine under "half their size" headline. I am so pround of myself. I have accomplished something most people will never be able to do. I feel I am very special.

Weekend at work was very much fun. My customers keep telling me that I should be modeling. I just laugh them off, but I hear it alot these days.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz orange/pear, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup jasmine brown rice, 1 cup chopped raw veggies (celery, peppers), 2 tsp salsa, tea.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz kiwi/pear.

April 13

2008-04-13T09:21:00.005-04:00

Sunday, April 13.

Weight 169.

Breakfast (9 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup peas/buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Lunch (will be around 4 p.m.):
4 oz chicken, 1 cup peas/buckwheat (1/2 cup each), 1 cup chopped veggies, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Weekends I am always busy but when I come home I want to comment on Erin's post about the WW-s, here :

http://marriedsinglemomof3.blogspot.com/2008/04/post-in-which-i-offend-all-weight.html

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple/pear.

Dinner:
4 oz fish, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup chopped celery/peppers, 1 tsp oil, herb tea.

April 12

2008-04-12T09:13:00.006-04:00

Saturday, April 12.

WEIGHT 169 lbs. (one more to 150 lost! just one little lousy pound)

Breakfast (9 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 c buckwheat/peas, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Lunch (will be around 5 p.m.):
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw chopped veggies, 2 tsp tomato sauce.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pear, herb tea.

April 11 (explain here how I cook the grains)

2008-04-11T08:58:00.007-04:00

Friday, April 11.

Breakfast (8.15 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pear, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

I will explain here how I cook my grains. I take 2 cups of dry grains and about 5-6 cups water (or water and chicken broth), add some salt and cook them in the crock pot (slow cooker). Big grains like hulless barley and rye berries take couple hours to cook, but buckwheat, cracked rye, steel cut oats cook faster. One must check for readiness. The amount of liquid depends on the type of the grain; brown rice takes 5 cups of water per 2 cups of dry (says on the package). Oats take 6 cups per 2 cups dry. Oh, and rye berries and hulless barley, and beans are good to soak overnight.
Sometimes I use ham bone or turkey bones to boil the broth. Adds extra flavor.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup mushy peas, 1 cup raw chopped veggies, 2 tsp tomato sauce, tea.

Snack (10:50 p.m.):
8 oz yogurt, 6 orange/apple/pear, herb tea.

April 10

2008-04-10T09:53:00.007-04:00

Thursday, April 10

Breakfast (7 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 c barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Weight 171.

Running 36 min. The best weather yet. 70 degrees and sunny.

And now my weight is 170! Yess!

Lunch (2.00 p.m.):
4 oz steak tips, 1 cup peas, 1 cup cooked veggies, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Later (10.30 p.m.):
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz kiwi/banana, herb tea.

April 9

2008-04-09T09:22:00.004-04:00

Wednesday, April 9.

Breakfast (8 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch (2 p.m.):
4 oz steak/meatballs, 1 c barley, 1 c chopped peppers, 2 tsp tomato sauce, tea.

Jogging 35 min.

Later (9:45 p.m.):
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit.

April 8

2008-04-09T08:59:00.003-04:00

Completely forgot to post yesterday.

Tuesday, April 8.

Breakfast (7 a.m.):
2 eggs, 1 c rice/barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 2 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Lunch (12 p.m.):
4 oz chicken, 1 c barley, 1 c chopped peppers, 2 tsp tomato, sauce, coffee.

Running 37 min. Loved it. Felt good and the weather was nice.
Weight is 172.

Snack (6 p.m.):
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz pear.

Dinner (8.30 p.m.):
4 oz beef tips, 1 c buckwheat, 1 c cooked veggies (carrots, peppers, mushrooms, onions), 1 tsp mayo, 2 tsp tomato sauce, herb tea.

Went out for coffee with couple of ladyfriends. It's a very nice and homely place, one my my friends took me there week ago and now I love it. We decided to have lunch there every week. Half of the staff is already flirting with me, most guys in their early 20s, lol. But we also saw some really neat gents. My ladyfriends qualify as "single and looking", thus we have come to the right place. I told them to forget match.com and dress up for our luncheons from now on.

Personally, I am not looking for any relationships as my heart belongs to someone very special, but one can still enjoy eye-candy. I am totally weak when it comes to good-looking guys. And what I have noticed (how funny is that!!) is that good-looking gals (the BEST looking gals!) always place themselves into the next booth facing me. And I watch them shamelessly. How bad am I? I enjoy innocent flirtation as long as it stays innocent.

April 6-7

2008-04-07T10:04:00.011-04:00

Sunday, April 6 menu was pretty much the same as April 5.
No exercise, except walking at work 8 hrs straight both days. Quite a few miles, I believe.

Monday, April 7, new week.

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup rice/barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pear, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Thank you all who find me inspiring. That's what I am hoping for. Maybe my story can make a difference (even a small one) in someone else's life.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup peas, 1 cup shredded turnips/onions, 1 tsp oil, herb tea (caffeine is not good for you).

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz orange.

Dinner:
4.5 oz meatballs/chicken, 1.5-1.75 c peas, 1.5 c cooked carrots/turnips, some canned pepperoncinis, 2 tsp mayo, 2 tsp tomato sauce, tea.

More food than usual, because I am hungry again. And that is some serious hunger. I was in the class and the only thing I could concentrate on was how much I wanted to eat. Nothing you can just overcome with drinking water. I am almost starting to think that maintaining is going to be ALOT worse than losing. That's why the statistics is so discouraging - less than 4% of people who lose 35 lbs or more can keep it off 5 years or more And most people will never even lose 35 lbs (I don't have a good source to refer to, got it from WWs message board, but I believe it's true).

April 5

2008-04-05T12:03:00.002-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz meatballs, 1 cup rice/barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pear, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tom.sauce, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup barley, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tom.sauce, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange.

Nothing much going on, selling shoes 2 days in a row.

April 4

2008-04-04T10:54:00.012-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pear/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Weightwise, I think I would like to get it down to 168 to have nice big 150 LOST. And then keep it between 161-168, that's a wide range, because trying to keep it at one single number will be almost impossible.
I am still pondering over the fact why I have such severe cravings for cheese. During these 15 months these craving weakened for a while and then always came back. I never got rid of them like I got rid of cravings for bread (all wheat), chocolate (all sugar) and so on. Maybe when I am at 161 lbs, I could try to include controlled portions of cheese. According to Dr. Atkins, cheese is not really considered very addictive, it's high in fat but no carbs. The serving size I would be using is 1.5 oz and 1.5 x 110 = 165 kcal (some cheeses 150 kcal). Right now my milk/yogurt servings range between 130-140 kcal. It's however very crucial to be ABLE to limit the portion size to 1.5 oz. If I cannot control it, I will immediately cut it out. I am still a food addict and there's no cure for that! Just ways to control it.

Have to remember that.

I have to wake up every morning and fight with it. There is no easy way. It's a MONSTER. If I am not careful it will take me back to 318 lbs.

Lunch:
4 oz meatballs, 1 cup hulless barley, 1 cup chopped celery/onions/peppers, 1 tsp oil, tea.

Jogging 30 min, walk 3 min.

Later: tea

April 3

2008-04-03T08:26:00.010-04:00

Weight 171. FINALLY (sigh).

Breakfast 7 a.m.:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Thoughts on being possibly too skinny. One has to be careful while leaning against the back of a chair. Yesterday in the class I was careless and I hurt myself, my backbone almost poked through my skin.

Lunch 11 a.m.:
4 oz turkey, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup shredded cabbage/onions, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, tea.

Today I will definitely eat 3 full meals + my yogurt and fruit snack. I'm trying to complete the 12-week half-marathon training program and I probably need to eat more. At least those days when I run. But I will do the plan for 24 weeks, doing every week twice. What's the rush.
Running is a constant struggle, it's easier to run when you weigh less, but you need enough calories to be ABLE to exercise. I have not balanced that out yet, not even close.

Walk 3 min, run 30 min. Pretty good, no more weakness.

Dinner:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup rice, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Snack 10 p.m.:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz pear/grapefruit.
And then later I ate cheese and peanutbutter, because I was still hungry!! I have constant cravings for cheese. Oh I don't like that. That's a dangerous road. I have to be aware because I don't want my old bad habits come back.

April 2

2008-04-02T09:24:00.007-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken/meatballs, 1 cup brown rice, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Today I will not even step on the scale, I am probably up another 2. Wouldn't be a bit surprised considering the way my scale has been treating me lately.

11.28 a.m.
This day is going good so far, I am A LOT happier now that I don't know how much I weigh. I should keep it that way.

1:45 p.m. lunch:
4 oz turkey, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp tomato sauce, coffee.

Later: 10 p.m.
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange.

April 1

2008-04-01T08:14:00.010-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup brown rice/rye, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight 172-173! That is horrifying. I am up and I have been following the plan pretty good last few days. Well, what can I do, just to wait and keep exercising. I cannot believe those potato chips and cashews I ate 5 days ago are affecting me now. We always pay the price. And we learn from our mistakes. At least I am very much motivated to go and run today.

Running 30 min + walking 5 min. HATED every minute of it. The first 10 min. into it I felt like dying. I am doing something wrong, it should NOT feel like this after 6 months of regularly jogging. I think I need to buy a heart-rate monitor. Something is off.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup brown rice, 1 cup chopped red peppers, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Plus my weight is almost 174! I freaking HATE it! Maybe my scale is wrong.

4 pounds of fat is 4 x 3500 kcal = 14,000 kcal. I don't eat THAT many calories in one month. This is what does not make any sense whatsoever. When did the laws of physics stop working?
I burn WAY more calories than I eat.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/orange.

Dinner:
4 oz turkey, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup lettuce/red peppers, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp tomato sauce.

March 31

2008-03-31T08:48:00.003-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz pork, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight still 171-172.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup rye berries/oats, 1 cup shredded turnips, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange/grapefruit.

March 30

2008-03-30T09:23:00.008-04:00

Breakfast:
1 egg, 2 oz pork, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/orange, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight still 171-172.

Lunch:
4 oz pork, 1 cup peas/rye berries, 1 cup cooked(crunchy) baby carrots, 1 tsp mayo, 1 tsp salsa.

Running 36 min.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange.

Thoughts. Yesterday we went to a museum. People are literally staring at me, which in most cases, I enjoy. I sure get alot of attention. Now I am going to change my image somewhat. I am getting skinnier and rather than just looking good, I want to add some creepiness into my look. Just for fun. I started using turquoise mascara. I love the look of people when they see my creepy green eyes. I think I am pushing it.

March 29

2008-03-29T08:53:00.003-04:00

Weight 171, one pound gone already!

Breakfast:
4 oz pork, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/orange

Dinner:
4 oz pork, 1 cup peas/rye berries, 1 cup raw and cooked veggies (beets, cabbage, tomatoes), 1 tsp mayo, coffee.

March 28

2008-03-28T15:17:00.008-04:00

Weight 172 lbs, gained ONLY 2 lbs on vacation.

I am not even going to list here what I ate. Mostly grilled chicken salads with french fries as my starch! That's the only acceptable starch as no place ever bothers to serve a baked potatoe or brown rice. Actually, it's not acceptable, but at least it's a real potato and contains no wheat.
Breakfasts consisted of 1 cup of milk and fruit measured and eaten in the hotel room. And then 2 scrambled eggs and home fries with unknown amounts of fat eaten in restaurants.

And all those unbalanced meals left me hungry and craving for bad foods. So I also binged on potato chips and salted cashews. That's terrible.
But other than food it was a nice vacation. Lots of snow up there in the mountains. And we enjoyed the swimming pool and hot tub in our hotel. When I stepped into the hot tub, I thanked loudly the Lord and JC and Mary and all the saints for I was warm the first time in 6 months.

Breakfast:
1 cup milk, 6 oz kiwi/orange, approximately 1.5 very greasy scrambled eggs, about 3.5-4 oz exceptionally greasy hash browns, coffee. Ate in a diner. That's the last meal I will eat out for a long time.

Lunch (at home already):
4 oz steamers, 1 cup rye berries, 1 cup shredded cabbage/onion/tomatoes, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz grapefruit.

March 25

2008-03-25T07:28:00.010-04:00

Weight 170 lbs!

Breakfast:
2 eggs boiled, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/strawberries, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz pork, 1 cup grains, 1 cup cooked veggies (beets, green beans, carrots), 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Dinner:
4 oz pork, 1 cup mixed grains, 1 cup shredded cabbage, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, tea.
(I am so hungry again)

I will be gone until Friday enjoying my vacation in the mountains. I have to eat several meals out and that is making me nervous. Being away from home and my kitchen is like taking my security blanket away. I hate eating in restaurants because I don't know how they cook their meals plus I feel strange bringing my own food scale and measuring cups. That's why I almost never go to vacations or travel. I love being home. My plan for next 3 days is NOT to gain any weight.
I think I will take my food scale and cups and just calmly weigh my portions. My scale and cups are my lifeline, I am completely lost without them.
I don't care what others may think.

Only 3 days, I can handle that. Did I already mention I hate traveling? Why would someone want to leave their cozy house and travel?

And the fact that I am always cold. What if they don't have enough blankets and I will freeze to death? I better take my fur coat and all the sweaters I own.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz fruit.

March 24

2008-03-24T10:19:00.004-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple/strawberries, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight 172.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup rye/oats, 1 cup cooked veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple/strawberries.

Jogging 36 min.

March 23

2008-03-23T21:56:00.008-04:00

Happy Easter!

Weight 172 lbs.

Breakfast:
4 oz ham, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz orange.

Lunch:
4 oz pork, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup cooked veggies (green beans, beets, carrots, peas), 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Dinner:
4 oz pork, 8 oz baked potato/peas, 1 cup shredded cabbage/onions, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, tea.

Had family over for easter dinner, that "lunch" today was actually my easter dinner. Always OP (on plan)! That's HOW you lose 146 pounds.
One of the family members who was all excited about losing weight 1.5 months ago, when I met her last time, today admitted her total failure as she was able to be on that plan about 1 day. I am alittle disappointed. Maybe this plan really is not "doable" by other people and I am some kind of freak. Which I know I am anyways. I bought a Halloween t-shirt from Walmart for a $1, which I love to wear this time of year. I also wear X-mas clothes.
I am pretty sure I am a freak or I have something permanently stuck between my teeth because I cannot go anywhere anymore, people are openly staring at me. And I am not exaggerating.

March 22

2008-03-22T08:11:00.005-04:00

Weight 173 lbs.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Yesterday one of my female coworkers was mean to me, she said I looked too skinny. I am pretty sure she is jealous. I kinda like this freakishly skinny look, though. And I have to wear black to work, so I usually wear pretty tight black t-shirts and pants, ALL black all the time.

Jogging 36 min.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/apple.

Dinner:
4 oz chicken, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw shredded cabbage/onions, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

March 21

2008-03-21T09:58:00.003-04:00

Weight 174 lbs.

Breakfast:
4 oz sausage/ham, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz sausage/ham, 1 cup millet, 1 cup cooked veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange.

March 20

2008-03-20T08:12:00.004-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz sausage/bacon, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight 175. Hunger seems to be gone and I am back to my regular portions.

Lunch:
4 oz ham, 1 cup millet, 1 cup cooked cabbage/raw onions, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz apple.

March 19

2008-03-19T08:45:00.007-04:00

Weight 175 lbs! That extra meal last night actually helped me to lose yet another pound. How is that possible? When did the laws of physics stop working? ADD calories and lose weight.

Breakfast:
4 oz sausage/ham, 1 cup rye/oats, 8 oz milk, 6 oz orange, 1/2 tsp oil, coffee.

BFD has an interesting post that I would like to discuss, it's here
http://www.bfdblog.com/?p=378

How to deal with so much attention? I think I may be able to relate somewhat. I will come back to it as soon as I am done with my other reserach which is due tonight.

Lunch:
4 oz ham/beef, 1 cup millet, 1 cup shredded cabbage/onion, 1 tsp oil, 2 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

March 18

2008-03-18T08:36:00.005-04:00

Weight still 176. That additional meal did not add any weight which is great!

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/cantaloupe, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup millet, 1 cup shredded cabbage/onions, 2 tsp salsa, tea.

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz apple

Dinner (9:30 p.m.):
4 oz ham, 1 cup cooked grains (rye, oats), 1 cup cooked cabbage/carrots/turnips, tea.

Again I was ravenous so I had to eat yet another meal.

March 17

2008-03-17T09:04:00.005-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Weight 176 lbs, another one bites the dust.

Breakfast:
4 oz ham, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/cantaloupe, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz beef, 1 cup millet, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

This severe hunger is persisting. I had to add another meal. And it's not that I am craving something like chips or candy, I am seriously hungry, I am craving my own regular food. Maybe I am getting closer to the weight my body is naturally supposed to be. Some fancy scientists have figured out that our bodies have biologically (or was it genetically) pre-determined weight and if we try to go under that, our bodies will greatly resist. That's also why models and actors have such a hard time keeping their size 0 because it is not natural.

Dinner:
4 oz ham, 1 cup barley, 1 cup cooked veggies (cabbage, carrots, turnip).

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange.

March 16

2008-03-16T21:51:00.009-04:00

Weight 177 lbs

Breakfast:
4 oz ham, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/banana, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz beef, 1 cup millet, 1 cup boiled cabbage/carrots/turnips, 1 tsp oil.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

Today I didn't see many good-looking guys today, shaky or non-shaky.
Changed my profile picture, teeny-tiny pic. Taken yesterday at my 177 lbs weight. On that pic I look almost skinny. Unfortunately on all my before pictures (+141 lbs) look so terrible that I NEVER want to post them.

March 15

2008-03-15T09:47:00.005-04:00

Weight 177 lbs.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/cantaloupe, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Snack:
8 oz milk, 6 oz orange.

Dinner (actually haven't eaten it yet, just got it ready to take to work):
4 oz ham, 1 cup millet, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Next 2 days I'll be selling shoes (which, by the way, I happen to LIKE). And I have a good chance to see all those shaky guys. And if I am lucky, maybe I'll see one or two confident ones. I'll keep my eyes open.

March 14 (thoughts on confidence)

2008-03-14T09:40:00.005-04:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1/2 cup dry oatmeal cooked with water, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/cantaloupe, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz lean ham, 1 cup cooked millet (love it!), 1 cup raw veggies (mostly chopped celery), coffee.

Today I am not depressed, just grumpy and trying to write my research paper.

Among other things I am thinking how much I hate guys who lack self-confidence. Especially around me. Not just co-workers, customers also. I can smell shakiness instantly (like sharks can smell blood).
But then there are some really nice co-workers with certain amounts of confidence and that is nice. We joke and laugh together. One of my coworkers attacked me with a question " is my belly too fat" and I said "jeepers, don't scare me with these kinds of questions, I cannot answer that". Actually he does have quite a potbelly, but it was so funny.
Particularly I hate guys who have worked with me 2-3 years and are still totally shaky and freaking out around me. No reason for that. Is there?
The most confident guy I have met, let's say, last couple months is my law professor who is also an outstanding and successful attorney. This kind of confidence is almost deadly attractive. I wish I could be THAT confident, I am working on it but I have ways to go.
When it comes to confidence, good looks always help. But some relatively average-looking people can be very confident and this makes them interesting, attractive. Confidence draws people like a magnet.

Jogging 36 min (tired and not in the mood to exercise)

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz fruit.

After my snack around 6 p.m. I was still extremely hungry, so I had to get out of the house and away from food. Went to Walmart, tried on all their $3-5 clearance items which only took me about 3 hours. Time well spent NOT eating. Very good distraction. This kind of hunger strikes me only once every 2 months or so, and I have to deal with it somehow. It's manageable, though, because it doesn't happen very often.

March 13

2008-03-13T08:11:00.010-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit/cantaloupe, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Weight 179, at least one of those extra pounds is gone. The most important thing is to stop yourself when you have put on 1-2 lbs and not 50 or 100. Thankfully, I have my food plan that I can trust which will keep me on track. Very powerful tool.

Mood today is more or less. The same general gloominess but stable. No big dark holes.

Lunch:
4 oz ham, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw veggies (shredded carrot, onion, red pepper), 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, tea.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz orange/cantaloupe.

Dinner:
6.5 (!) oz fatty ham, 1 cup barley, 1 cup lettuce/peppers, 2 tsp mayo, tea.
2.5 oz more meat than I should be eating. And I am so hungry all the time. And I crave fat, I almost feel that my body needs some fatty foods.
Not easy. Some days can be real tough.

March 12

2008-03-12T09:40:00.008-04:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz orange/grapefruit, coffee.

I don't even want to approach the scale, that extra meal yesterday most likely added another 2 lbs. Terrible.
I'm still in a gloomy mood. Maybe alittle better than yesterday.

I have very strange thoughts sometimes. Last night I saw my Dad again (FYI he passed away about 3 years ago). The feelings that I have right now are that my job in this world is done, there is nothing I can give to this world anymore. No way I am suicidal, just that... I'm done here. There's nothing left for me to do.
Kinda irrational, if you start thinking about it. But it's not on the level where you think, it's where you FEEL. Maybe my time is coming.

I don't want to do anything anymore. I cannot do anything to make this world a better place. I have done enough.

And I am not afraid.

Very strange.
(just don't get me wrong, I am not suicidial)

Lunch:
4 oz lean ham, 2 slices rye/soy bread, 1 cup lettuce/tomatoes, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/cantaloupe.

March 11 (dark mood day)

2008-03-11T08:13:00.010-04:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup cooked hulless barley, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/orange/cranberries, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Not in a good mood. Weight is up 2 lbs and there is NO reason for that, I have not eaten more, I am religiously sticking to my plan. Plus I feel my dark depressive moods coming. The same I was in Nov-Dec. I am not sure yet if it's just a short-term bad mood or it will last longer.

In Nov. it was so bad that I lost 16 lbs in one month. Takes all the appetite away and I have to cut the portion sizes because I cannot handle my regular amounts of food.

Happens alot to over-achievers like me - feelings of inadequacy "I am not good enough", "I am not thin enough", "I am not attractive enough" etc. All unfortunately related to appearances, because I never have doubts about being smart enough. My brains never fail me.

Usually there is only one thing that helps to relieve this depression: increasing my exercise and taking the pain level higher, running faster and longer and more often. If I cannot get out of this mood in a few days, I will do just that.
I also know exactly what causes this, but unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. Just to deal with the symptoms, not to treat the cause itself. Not in my power.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Maybe I will merge again as a stronger person after this.

And I still hate how I feel right now. Again I just do NOT want to get out of bed in the morning, because quite frankly I don't see a good enough reason why I should keep going.

Running 37 min.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken breast, 1 cup beans, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz cantaloupe.

Dinner (I had an additional meal because I was starving):
5 oz ham (fatty), 1 cup grains (barley, buckwheat), 1 cup cooked veggies, peppermint tea.

There is one lesson to learn, if you are so hungry that your body is in pain (but you have eaten all your daily portions), eat something real fatty and cut the carbs. Few bites of straight porkfat will stop you right there. And the damage is not very big.

March 9-10

2008-03-10T11:59:00.004-04:00

March 9

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1/2 cup beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 8 oz milk, 6 oz fruits, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup buckwheat, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz plum/apple.

Selling those shoes is so much running around. In an 8-hour shift I probably cover 10 miles between the selling floor and stockroom. But I like it. Keeps me very busy and prevents me from getting myself in (guy-) trouble. Just not enough time. Sometime you see really cute guys. Such an eye-candy. I am weak.
They have hired a new sec. guy. My jaw almost hit the floor Saturday night. He might be gay, he is too good-looking. I will find out soon enough.

March 10

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz ham/turkey/bacon, 2 slices rye/soy bread, 1 cup onions/broccoli/green beans, 1 tsp oil, salsa, mustard, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz grapefruit.

March 8

2008-03-08T09:44:00.003-05:00

Weight 178 lbs, 140 LOST!

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/grapefruit, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

I will be busy selling shoes for the next 2 days, won't be here.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup cooked veggies (broccoli, green beans, peas), salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit.

March 7 (5 things that are weird about you)

2008-03-07T10:52:00.007-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/plum/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight still 179, maybe that's where I am supposed to be. Haven't lost anything for almost 3 weeks. We will see.

From http://gottalose200pounds.blogspot.com/
"5 things that are weird about you"

I will list mine here, that will be fun for Friday:

1. I hate answering the phone. Actually I hate phone conversations, period (don't even own a cellphone).

2. I like shorter guys. I love when shorter guys like me (and have enough confidence to go out with me) .

3. I think that the most meaningful thing in TV is baseball. And then the weather news. Everything else is crap.

4. I can talk to my dead family members: my Dad and my aunt. In times of need I can get actual guidance from them.

5. I like ABBA music.

Lunch:
3 oz turkey/1 oz sausage, 1/2 cup beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

Jogging 35 min.

March 6

2008-03-06T09:49:00.007-05:00

Special greetings to JD! Pictures taken today.

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey/bacon, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

I wish I had something more meaningful to say. Spring is coming our way and I love it. 6 months out of a year I am so cold that I have to wear a fur coat and gloves in the house. And I sleep with about 4 blankets (plus I even wear my fur coat when I sleep). It's an old coat, so I never wear it outside anyways. That's how I have learned to survive winters. I am so weather dependent.
I think I would probably be happy living in Arizona, 110 degrees would be comfy for me.
In summer when it was 95 here, I went jogging and I loved it, so nice and warm.

Jogging 37 min.

Lunch:
4 oz italian sausage, 1/2 cup beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/apple

March 5

2008-03-05T10:39:00.004-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz grapefruit, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz turkey, 1/2 cup beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple.

March 4

2008-03-04T08:23:00.005-05:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup buckwheat, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz ham/bacon, 1/2 cup kidney beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz apple/plum, peppermint tea.

March 3

2008-03-03T13:01:00.008-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz ham, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/grapefruit/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

I am just going to skip Sat-Sun menus, because they are exactly the same as any other day. Why do I even bother writing down what I eat is because if someone wants to know how I lost 140 lbs, they can just read it from here. It is that simple, indeed.

Sunday I went jogging for 34 minutes.

Oh and I signed up for the National Weight Control Registry and they mailed me some forms I have to fill up. I don't know if I should do it and sign the consent forms. What do you people think? They just want to study how people lose weight and maintain it. I feel like I should offer my input.
It seems to be a decent research organization, Brown University/The Miriam Hospital.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 1/2 cup kidney beans, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz apple/plum, peppermint tea.

Febr. 29

2008-02-29T09:00:00.005-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz italian sausage, 1 cup grains(rye, oats, rice), 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 hamburger, 1/2 cup mushy peas, 1 slice rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Jogging 34 min.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz fruit.

Weight 179 lbs!

Febr. 28

2008-02-28T08:25:00.002-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz plum/kiwi, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1/2 cup mushy peas, 1 slice of rye/soy bread, 1 cup cooked veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple.

Febr. 27

2008-02-27T10:55:00.009-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup mixed grains (rye, oats, rice) , 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Just a reminder for myself so I don't forget: MIT, Harvard, BU, UMASS, only 4 schools giving the degree I want to obtain (dreaming about). Need to start applying for 2009. Maybe...
My husband will most likely divorce me if I tell him I want to study another 5 years and incur additional $100,000 in student loans (on top of $20K I already have). Jesus help me.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1 cup mushy peas, 1 cup raw shredded carrots, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Jogging 35 min.

Later:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz apple/pineapple.

Febr. 25-26

2008-02-26T08:19:00.007-05:00

Febr, 25

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz fruit, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Weight 180 lbs.

Jogging 36 min.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 2 slices rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple/pineapple.

Everybody around me is sick, I am so tired of it. Mostly flu. We'll see if I catch it or not. I am soo freaking tired of this winter.
I lost about $100 in sales yesterday. A couple came shoe-shopping but because the guy was drooling all over me, his woman became insecure, so they had to leave. She promised to come back later but never did. Too bad.

Febr. 26

Breakfast:
4 oz hamburger, 1 cup mushy peas, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1 cup grains, 1 cup cooked veggies (peas, broccoli, green beans), 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Dinner:
4 oz hamburger, 2 slices of rye/soy bread, 1 cup lettuce, 1 tsp mayo, tea.

I got 104 in my finance midterm. My fellow grad students got between 70-75. After I revealed my grade they started looking at me funny. Hmm, I wonder why.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/apple.

Febr. 23-24

2008-02-24T21:34:00.007-05:00

Febr. 23

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup mushy peas, 8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup mixed grains, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp mayo, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz fruit (kiwi/pineapple)

Febr. 24

Weight 182!

Breakfast:
4 oz fish, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz fruits, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 8 oz mashed potatoes, 1 cup cooked veggies (broccoli, green beans), 1 tsp mayo, salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz kiwi/pineapple.

Been so busy at work selling shoes. My previous manager, whom I haven't seen since the beginning of August last year, did not recognize me. She said she recognized the voice but not the person. That's so funny.

OMG, I am so famous it's freaking me out. My co-workers tell me that guys come up to them and keep asking about me like "who is she, where is she from", and so on. It is scary actually, lots of creeps out there. Maybe I should take up those martial arts after all.
At least my 6-foot posture should scare some of them off as the majority of men in the U.S. are shorter than I am.

Febr. 22

2008-02-22T10:33:00.013-05:00

Weight still 183.

Breakfast:
4 oz beef, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Today I feel alot better, that hormonal downtime is over.
It's snowing and snowing and snowing. When will this winter end?

Inspired by this blog http://www.bfdblog.com/?p=362
what states that many-many guys like very thin women, I decided to get down to 161 lbs and see it myself (for a while I thought about stopping at 175 lbs).
Because being thin is considered "high-status", thinner women have higher social value and that's the reason guys want to date/flirt (with) thin women rather than their chubbier counterparts. Supposedly it's not because guys consider extra skinny women very attractive, it is clearly that social status thing.

At 161 and 6' tall I will look freakishly skinny, no doubt about that. I am already kinda bony at 183. It will be interesting.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 1 cup mushy peas, 1 cup cooked veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Febr. 21

2008-02-21T09:47:00.004-05:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup of grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pineapple, 2 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Hate being hormonal. I know exactly why I feel down and I still cannot do anything about it. Hate the moodiness. Hate the "fat" and bloated feeling. Nothing can to cheer me up now.
It will pass, I know, but I just hate it.

Lunch:
4 oz fish, 2 slices of rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz pineapple/apple.

Febr. 20

2008-02-20T11:15:00.003-05:00

Weight 183 lbs!

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 2 slices of rye/soy bread, 1 c raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Dinner:
4 oz steak, 1 cup grains, 1 cup cooked veggies (broccoli, green beans, peas), 1 tsp mayo, 1 tsp salsa.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz pineapple.

Febr. 19

2008-02-19T11:51:00.002-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup grains (buckwheat, oats, rye), 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/orange, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 2 slices of rye/soy bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple/orange.

Febr. 18

2008-02-18T22:55:00.002-05:00

Been terribly busy.

Weight now 185 lbs!

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 8 oz baked potato, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/orange, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Lunch:

1 cup mixed grains, 4 oz pork chops, 1 cup raw veggies, tea.

Later:

8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/apple, peppermint tea.

Febr. 15

2008-02-15T09:41:00.008-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup mixed grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/apple/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Surprisingly there were not too many shoppers last night. Not too bad either. Maybe the majority of people did find dates for themselves after all and didn't need to shop to forget their misery. Shopping always helps, by the way.

Oh, I went shopping to Target yesterday. Now I have to buy pants from men's department because they don't make ladies' apparel long enough. Typical.
Bought cargo pants waist 32, inseam 34. Actually wanted to get 30 inch waist, but they DON'T make 30/34. Or even 30/36.
After losing 130 lbs shopping has NOT gotten any easier for me, I still have hard time finding the right sizes.

And then this little old lady comes up to me and says: "I just had to say how tall and how beautiful you are". "Oh thank you", I am saying. "That's awfully nice of you".
She says: "I watched you for a while, how tall you are" (well, with my boots on I am about 6'3").
I says: "I love being tall, only it's hard to find clothes, all americans are so short and they don't make clothes for tall people".

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Febr. 14

2008-02-14T08:33:00.006-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup mixed grains (buckwheat, rye, oats), 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pineapple, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Weight still 187.

My Valentine's Day is not going to be very romantic, nothing much going on. I don't care much about Valentine's Day anyways, it's a fake holiday for me.
I have work tonight, maybe I can selle some nice things to my customers and make their Val. Day happier. I bet single and lonely ladies will be buying shoes today to forget their loneliness and comfort themselves. I think I can sell alot of shoes tonight.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken, 2 slices of rye/soy bread, 1 cup chopped turnip/onion/peppers, coffee.

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pineapple.

Febr. 13

2008-02-13T14:03:00.003-05:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/pineapple, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Weight still 187.

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger, 2 slices of rye-berry/soy nut bread, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Walk in 5-inch wet snow - 1 hour. Well, that was definitely a bad idea. It was cold, it was raining heavily and sidewalks were unpenetrable. Did I mention HOW much I hate this weather?
My hat got soaken wet (and all my clothes also) and my brain started getting hypothermia that made me dizzy. Now I know how people can die from exposure to the elements.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple.

Febr. 12

2008-02-12T12:15:00.001-05:00

Still studying and stressed out. And looks like the might cancel tonight's class due to snow.

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pear/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
2 oz chicken, 4 oz baked potato, 1 cup raw veggies, 1/2 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz pineapple.

Febr. 11

2008-02-11T11:10:00.000-05:00

Very busy and stressed out.

Most likely I won't be here blogging until Thu. Febr. 14. By that time I will hopefully have my both midterms done.
I am so close to graduating, cannot wait. Only 3 more months.

Missing Febr 9-10 menus, however, they are exactly the same as always.

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Lunch:
2 oz chicken, 1/2 cup grains, 1 cup raw veggies, 1/2 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz pineapple/apple.

Febr. 8

2008-02-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup mixed grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pear, 2 tsp oil, coffee.

Weight 187 lbs.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 2 slices rye/soy-nut bread, 1 cup cooked veggies, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz pineapple.

Febr. 7

2008-02-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz beef, 1 cup grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/pear, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight 188.

Jogging 40 min.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 2 slices of rye-berry soy nut bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz pear.

My manager told me today that when he looks at me sideways he cannot see me because I am too thin. And asked me not to lose any more weight. Too funny.
I promised him not to diet anymore, just exercise.
He really is a funny guy. I have caught him observing me several times when he thinks I don't see him. Always a good thing to get along with management.

Febr. 6

2008-02-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup mixed grains, 8 oz milk, 6 oz pear/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Weight is 188 and my experience says that it will stay there at least next 3 weeks. Shouldn't even weigh myself for a while.

It's going to be a crazy week of studying, 2 midterms. Finance is particulary tough, I have no idea how much I know compared to how much I am supposed to know. At least I am good in math and I can navigate around all those formulas.

Lunch:
4 oz beef, 1 cup grains (rye, rice), 1 cup cooked veggies (carrot, turnip), 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee

Jogging 36 min.

Later:
8 oz milk, 6 oz pear/apple.

Febr. 5

2008-02-05T09:15:00.000-05:00

Weight 188 lbs. Officially 130 lbs gone.

Breakfast:
4 oz beef, 1 cup mixed grains (rye, brown rice), 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/apple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

How to choose a gym? Forget aerobics, forget dancing. My decision will be based solely on the number of cute guys I might be meeting there. The more the merrier. How do I find out which gym has the most cute-looking dudes? Ask around maybe.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 2 slices of rye and soy-nut bread, 1 cup raw veggies, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Later:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz apple/pear.

Febr. 4

2008-02-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

Weight 189 lbs.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup rye, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/cranberries, 2 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Nothing much going on plus I am not in a good mood today. Monday, I guess.

Jogging 38 min. Sometimes I really hate exercising. Especially in this crappy weather. Takes a lot of willpower to get out there and run.
I should find something I enjoy alittle more than running. Dancing maybe. Or aerobics. Do they even have aerobics these days?

Lunch:
4 oz fatty beef meat, 2 slices of Rubschlager rye-berry and soy nut bread, 1 cup raw veggies, coffee.

Snack:
8 oz plain yogurt, 6 oz pear.

Feb. 2-3

2008-02-03T23:04:00.000-05:00

Febr. 2

Has been very busy last couple days and no time to record my daily menu.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, 1 cup rye berries, 8 oz milk, 6 oz banana/pineapple 2 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Dinner:
4 oz steak, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup cooked green beans, coffee.

Today I did my good deeds. Referred about 10 people to K. Sheppard website and wished them good luck trying to follow that plan and lose weight. Like I did.
Also, I got numerous compliments how good I look. Now my standard reply is" I know, I get it alot".
We had family over, that's how I met all these people.

Hopefully some day I will really inspire someone to take control and change their life. I am yet to meet that someone.

Febr. 3

Weight 190 lbs.

Breakfast:
4 oz steak, 1 cup rye berries, 8 oz milk, 6 oz apple/pineapple, 1 tsp oil, 1 tsp salsa, coffee.

Lunch:
4 oz steak, 8 oz baked potato, 1 cup canned beets, 1 tsp oil, coffee.

Well, the Patriots lost. It wasn't the perfect season after all. To win you have to play well and they didn't do it today.
But great news is that the baseball season is starting pretty soon. Another couple of months. Until then there is nothing meaningful on TV.

Snack:
8 oz yogurt, 6 oz banana/apple.